Another thing they both brought up was that I would be good for him. HITR then said that she did not know why he was good for me. Rachel in the past has blatantly asked me what I see in him. I believe my answer was 'everything.' I live for the people I love... I am completely independent here without a relationship. I define myself. I do not need a boyfriend to do that for me... But I am utterly incomplete without one.

I wake up every morning missing his touch and on the verge on tears because I cannot hug him, and I know that I will wake up the next morning feeling the same way. I do not know what exactly would be "good for me" but I know what I need, and it is love.

Entry 4043, 2/03/2008

Spring break came and went. I bought some really cool skirts. All of the seniors left. Finals. School ended. I stayed up all night, and actually cleaned my room. I went to Exeter. I met Tuesy. I found out what Love is. I came home. I went to South Carolina and had such a great time being away from everything. I had a Southern drawl at the start of school. School started on my least favorite day of the year, my dad's yarzeit, something I have been fearing since he died. But I made it through the day. 4 years made it easier. I realized how much I missed last year, even though my teachers are much better this year. I made friends with my crazy English teacher. I went to Virgina and South Carolina and New York. I had to walk home from school once. I got so much closer to my friends, and made new ones, and lost some people to college but I still talk to some of them. I dream my life away. And I start of the new year by reading, something I have not truly done since the summer before high school started. I am obsessed with TV, coding, and other teenage stuff. I learned Perl regex. That, I think, is truly my best accomplishment. ;)

Entry 2003, 12/31/2003

I don't know how these people do it. I mean, the kids who go off to prep school. How do they just leave behind all of their old friends, that they've known for 8 years, and go live somewhere else for the best part of their lives? Being a teenager is so much fun. People think it sucks, but I don't know how anything could be better. I'm so afraid of it ending, and I really don't want to go off to college, ever. I guess I will when I'm a senior, and all of my friends have left me (the older ones) but it's still going to be so hard... I just don't get it. What does life want you to get out of leaving all you love? Forever? It's so scary...

Entry 1014, 10/26/2002